seo-roast

seo-roast

Get your website's SEO roasted by 26 legendary personas — Elon Musk, Trump, Hemingway, Dostoevsky, MrBeast, Taylor Swift, and more.

npx seo-roast example.com
npx seo-roast example.com --persona trump
npx seo-roast example.com --persona hemingway

Zero dependencies. Zero config. Zero cost.

Personas (26)

Writers

Persona	Flag
Ernest Hemingway	--persona hemingway
Marcel Proust	--persona proust
George Orwell	--persona orwell
J.R.R. Tolkien	--persona tolkien
Vladimir Nabokov	--persona nabokov
Agatha Christie	--persona christie
Mikhail Bulgakov	--persona bulgakov
Fyodor Dostoevsky	--persona dostoevsky
Strugatsky Brothers	--persona strugatsky
Ray Bradbury	--persona bradbury

Tech Leaders

Persona	Flag
Elon Musk	--persona musk
Sam Altman	--persona altman
Steve Jobs	--persona jobs
Jeff Bezos	--persona bezos

Public Figures

Persona	Flag
Donald Trump	--persona trump

Entertainment

Persona	Flag
Quentin Tarantino	--persona tarantino
Christopher Nolan	--persona nolan
Ryan Reynolds	--persona reynolds
Keanu Reeves	--persona keanu

Creators

Persona	Flag
MrBeast	--persona mrbeast
Taylor Swift	--persona swift
Kanye West	--persona kanye
Zendaya	--persona zendaya
Timothee Chalamet	--persona chalamet
Billie Eilish	--persona billie

What it checks

• Title tag (presence, length)
• Meta description (presence, length)
• H1 tags (presence, count)
• HTTPS
• Page load speed
• robots.txt
• sitemap.xml
• Canonical tag
• Viewport meta
• Image alt tags
• Script count
• HTML size

Options

-p, --persona <id>   Choose persona (default: random)
-l, --list           List all available personas
-h, --help           Show help

Examples

# Random persona
npx seo-roast competitor.com

# Specific persona
npx seo-roast mysite.com --persona tolkien

# List all personas
npx seo-roast --list

How it works

1. Fetches your page + robots.txt + sitemap.xml
2. Analyzes 12 SEO signals
3. Generates a roast in the selected persona's voice
4. Gives you a score from F to A

No API keys. No LLM calls. Everything runs locally with zero dependencies.

License

MIT - Citedy